So it’s Thanksgiving. The time of the year where everyone says what they are thankful for. Every year this has always been easy and simple for me. I’m thankful for my family and my friends. It’s always been clear and I have never had to put much effort into it. This year it takes effort to say what I am thankful for.
I’m in a Facebook group for parents who have lost their children to CHD (Congenital Heart Defects) and that group is good and bad. Sometimes when I’m in a really low space it helps to have people that I know can relate. That understand what I must feel like to not have Tatum. But on other days it brings me down from a relatively good day. Today it did both! A lot of parents in the group were talking today about how they didn’t feel thankful for anything because their child was gone and nothing else matters. And a piece of me relates to this. The thing I want the most in the world is Tatum and I can’t ever have him back. That hurts more than I could ever put into words. But it was good to read these posts today because I realized that while I can relate, I do not necessarily agree. I have so many things that I am still thankful for and I decided to list them here:
1.) I’m thankful for Brigman. I could get really mushy here and talk about unconditional love, support, and acceptance but I won’t make you gag after all of that yummy food. Just know that having him in my life is a major reason that I am thankful.
2.) I am thankful for Brigman’s family for always treating me with kindness and acceptance. It is nice to feel as if I have another family to talk to and laugh with.
3.) I am thankful for my own family. They are and will forever be my rock. I can’t imagine a surface more steady to rest on and I know that I can always count on them.
4.) I am thankful for my friends. They reach out to me in times of need, support me, laugh with me, drink margaritas with me. And I couldn’t ask for better friends. I’m still amazed at the show of support at Tatum’s funeral. No one can understand what that means to Brigman and I.
5.) And finally I’m grateful for Tatum. Yes I am sad that he is not here and I would literally trade anything in the world if I could have him back, but I know that I can’t. And even through all of the heartbreak and sadness I am forever thankful for Tatum. He made me a mother and changed my life. The small amount of time that I was his mom was the best time of my life. I am extremely thankful to forever be Tatum’s mommy.
So ultimately yes, the answer is still the same. I am thankful for my family and friends. But this year that answer means so much more to me because of Tatum. Because he changed my heart and made me see things so much more clearly. He is now a part of me and everything around me is a little more special because of him.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope you spent the day being as thankful as I did! 🦃🦃
Being Tatum's Mommy 